i really hate myself

god damn son of a bitch!the past 4 days i was in bed constantly fighting for my life for some reasons.and i realli had a goood thought about my life.i fucking hate my past.i realli realli hate it.walking around in groups,doing things that are 'cool' and such shit.i fuckin regret.i was goin thru this fb pics and saw this. boy who was about 13 or 14 but was having a birthdae celebration with all his members it seems.its all not true.there will come a time where he will realise all the people are not true.and i did not cherish the person 4 years ago when she told me to leave everything.now she is gone iwthout a trace and dust,i fuckin regret every single thing i did in the past.but i cant change any damn thing now.i dunno how to face anyone whom i have hurt in th past.sometimes now i wish i become like that,have a fuck care attitude and all,but i just cannot.i have started to think and realise that all these is not going to bring me nowhere.but as they say no point crying over spilt milk,every fucking day is like a constant fear where i will meet someone in the past and a small talk with them will dgar me back to them again.i do not want to do any of these shit anymore.these few months,after the incident happened,thats when i started to think if i was not a good human at all...i just dunno..i regret.realli regret.all i need is one chance.i never know if i can ever get the one chance.but me and my brother rafiq are both regretting and it is because of one heartbreak we had in the past that made us like that now.just when i tot i found a rite one,life proved me it is not a bed of roses.deep outside i smile.but deep inside,it hurts truely hurts.no one hurt me more.may be i should have just kept quiet and shut the hell up about the dirty past.forget it.i just wish for all to be happy.sorry i realli needed to get this off my chest.not intended for anyone.and elliot*a special thanks for keeping an eye on her.never expected you.thanks bro.